Passion will always save me.

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The Adventures of Captain Awesome

As I lie here, about to fly into these, tubes they remind of something….something deep inside me. A deep loneliness that I never share or talk about. I try to keep moving because sometimes I feel if I stop, the loneliness will consume me.

When I was a child, about 6 years old my parents were called to the North Galactic Pole. It was the beginning of the Malin 1 Inter Wars…. An eight year war that consumed my parents and most of my family. My mom came back during the fourth year. It was a mandatory “break”. But I could see that all she wanted was to get back to the fight. I was very young but I remember it consumed every part of her, as if nothing else mattered. She was no longer my mother but this person who had become a soldier, a warrior. Her person, her self was hidden behind this new mask. Or perhaps the person she actually was was gone, no longer from this place but now from this new place. The battle place.  

She was cold and hard. When she looked at me it was like she didn't recognize me. I was a stranger in my own home. Or perhaps her home. I didn't belong there anymore….

I often search for this place to call home. A replica of what once was. But that place is gone. Just like my mom is gone. Never to feel home again. So I replace home with passion. Home isn’t safe. Passion is safe. That day when she came home, when she looked at me, looked right through me, my self worth died too.

As a child there were no words. As an adult time is on my side...

As a little girl I knew something wasn't right. Now when I look back, I can see that was a defining moment and it changed me. It made me who I am today. It took me awhile but when I figured out I could replace home with passion, I knew I would always be safe. I would always belong and I would always find a way back to myself. No matter how hard things got or how lost or lonely I felt, my passion would always save me.  


"No matter how hard things get or how lost or lonely I feel, my passion will always save me."

- Captain Awesome


NOTE:

I've taken a turn with Captain Awesome, adding a real life story about this character. Let me know what you think! 

- lisa