STEP ONE: Be The Captain - Part 2
Hey Awesome Peeps, how is your writing or pondering going in Step 1 - Be the Captain?
I have to be honest I’m struggling a bit. This is hard work. It’s challenging to dig deep and think about the big moments that were so hard. But it's important! Being the Captain is about being in charge of ourselves, looking at the moments that were or are hard and saying “ha, its ok, just move forward.”
When we look at our ‘moments’ that damaged us or caused us grief we are taking the power away from those ‘moments’. That's the key really. Make that ‘moment’ a little smaller, let it go, then when you are able to look at it again you can dissect it some more. It will eventually just become a thing rather than something that directs how you behave.
Be The Captain
When I was 6 yrs old I was plunked into a new family with my Dad, Maxine (step mom) and my new brother Tracey. A new life that should’ve been amazing. We had moved to a co-op housing complex that was awesome! Full of families and kids to play with. It had a park in the middle that was slightly downhill from us. Perfect for skateboarding. The fire lane it was called, was the wide road that went through the complex and right beside the park. Amazing! Tracey and I spent many hours playing here. We had friends, I can't remember their names now, but they were the same ages and lived right across from us. I have such amazing fond memories of this time period….
I also have memories of Dad binge drinking, getting fired from his job, getting a DUI and going to rehab. It was weird as a kid to see our father be so screwed up. Weren't our parents supposed to have it together? Of course I see now as an adult that having children happens whether you have your shit together or not. No prerequisites there…
When I was 13 yrs old my Dad kicked me out of the house. He was drunk, pissed off that I wanted to see my mom again, Maxine (my step mom) and Dad wouldn't let me see her for years…...I was very upset by this as a little girl. I missed her so much and didn't really understand his drinking or lack of care. I just missed my mom.
When Dad kicked me out it wasn't to the street….He was drunk, grabbed some boxes, threw all my stuff in it and threw it in the back of my sister’s boyfriend’s truck. I had called my older sister Jodie, because Dad was freaking out. She was 18 yrs old and living with her boyfriend Gavin at the time. They came and then we left. Went to my mom's (biological mother) and her boyfriend Norm. It was a small 2 bedroom house with a large storage closet that acted as a room. Four adults and now me….My mom didn't want me, “bring her back” was what she told Jodie my sister. I was standing right there so I'm not sure what she was thinking. I never went back, stayed with mom and Norm till I was 16. It was a hard 3 years…...
I often used to think if my parents hadn't met then I wouldn't be born, then Tracey would be alive and my step Mom would’ve had a nice life….or at least the opportunity to have one. Of course this didn't happen and here we are…..so I guess I gotta deal. That's the thing isn't it? This is the situation, so just stop with the ‘if only’ talk and get on with it. It's not simple to do that sometimes when we are mourning, but its really the truth. I often tell myself to stop being a baby….honestly, just get on with it Lisa….
If we stopped and did the ‘what if’ thing for every thing that went wrong we would get nothing done in this life!! Just get on with it. If your in a tough situation and you need therapy, get therapy. If you are having financial problems, fix them. Just get on with it. Of course these things take time and we need to respect that, but just start with getting on with it. Wherever you go there you are….so you might as well just get on with it. If you don't fix the problem now you will have to later…...
Being the captain is hard. But as Oprah says put yourself on the list. That’s the best statement of all!! There is nothing more truthful than that. Put yourself on the list. Because if you don’t you may end up on someone else's list….yikes!!